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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

February usually worst but this time its a mixed bag

This is me again. For a long time i was away didn't feel at all like putting down here anything. Not that it was all emptyness in my life but pretty much it felt so to me. You'll shortly see it wasn't so. 

February used to be the month when i fall into my biggest depression of the year. Usually it happens to me this time of the year, the weather sucks so bad, i am really sick of winter and just nothing really going on these months. Now this time i decided i am going to do something about not getting into depression. Of course one of my goals was to play a lot of poker. Just to mention on the sidelines goal ACHIEVED. :) Since weather sucks so bad i didnt have much option to do i could work or i could play a lot of poker. And i chose the second of course hoping to achieve more in it than what i could by working.  Before i go on i must tell you it turned out to be my worst poker month in a long time. I was running bad, i was tilting and i was spewing money everywhere. I don't even know how in the world i ended up 1000 bucks ahead with such a bad play as i did in February. Outcome i hated myself, i hated the world and i hated poker. Oh, and i talked a few times personally to God, how big of a fucker he is and how i hate him. Of course that ain't true but i was so pissed some days i just couldn't resist cussing at him. All in all i think i learned somewhat of all this, and hope to control tilt better in future. So basically it's all poker right, well it is but still i had time for some other great stuff that kept me out of depression this time, well until end of month and beginning of march at least. 

So a few good days i remember were Valentine's day. We went out with Csilla, just usual stuff as we like to go to the movies, so we decided to watch a movie and then have a nice dinner. Well the plan is always there for you as a guide for the day but pretty much the outcome is always gonna be totally different as planned. We ended up watching 2 movies :))) Yes we are fanatics and yes we overdo things in general. Big relief for me that Csilla showed great discipline and resisted not to go shopping. As i hate shopping, that sure must be a guy thing. So she didn't do shopping and we had to go to the movie she liked. It was a hungarian romantic comedy we saw and actually i really enjoyed it. The lady inside me i guess totally came out and i lived myself into the movie. So all in all it was a good experience. So next thing we planned was dinner, but as we love popcorn we totally stuffed ourselves with it and had to cool it off before eating anything. So we asked the guy at Subway (yes you heard it, the fancy restaurant turned out to be this one) not close down before 9PM so we could grab something after the movie. Guess what was the next movie we went to see... Okay,  i help a bit. This time i chose.... Still nothing ring s a bell? !!!! Hellooo >>>!!!! :))) Okay, i tell you. Since i was always a Sylvester Stallone fan, and of course a big Rocky and Rambo fan too we decided to watch Rambo... Man it was brutal... I mean the movie was great and well thought out, but for Valentines day i could have think of something cheesier.... :S  Luckily Csilla enjoyed it too... THis mega movie marathon was like ok, but i felt there was more to it than just that and thought it was another great Valentines day for us.


Now i might have tell you about my goals and tasks and motivational structure that i put up early this year. Some things really do go well, while some others are just not making any progress. So one night i decided i have to do something about the ones i really would hate to do. And i pushed myself into it. And finished one of my greatest and most stressfull task that i could. It was to totally close down my old audio company that ended in a miserable failure. Actually i could sell the one meridian CD player for good money and my ex partner is helping me to sell one more speaker that i got as a spare one. All in all i was very happy about this meeting and that it was over. I think this took a lot of pressure off me. Kind of subconscious pressure that i wasn't aware of but still it was there pushing me from the inside wanted to get out of me day by day and just probabily did more harm than good. And now that i kind of accomplished it and got some good money from the CD Player in Vienna what else could i do.... Go and celebrate... How do you really celebrate when you get some money in your hands?!!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>That's right you go gamble it away, OR you double it up.... So my idea with 1200 EUROs in my pocket was to visit the poker room we found on the way to Munchen. When i was going for the world cup to Munchen by the bus station i found this pokerroom by accident and ever since i did not find a way to make it there. Now there was 1200 worth of those burning papers that really were burning that hole in my pocket wanted to be going on a wager. And  so i cancelled out my plans for the evening and headed to the pokerroom. Bought in for 200EUR and next thing i saw was it was 600. So the celebration was great money was made and i sang Bob Marley songs and whatever came to my mind all the way home on the highway... And the best of all this that i kind of feel less stressed ever since i closed this thing down....

This was very important to me that it helped me keep a good positive attitude throughout the month. There were my aunts' birthday party at the end of month, which is on the February 29th... Weirdly she can celebrate every 4th year. Well there are other weird dates in our family like my grandma was born on the 1st of April. And i was born on the name day of my mother and grandmother. Kind of funny.  Well the b-day party is always great,  lots of great food and drinks and just love the atmosphere at my aunt's house. She gets pretty much wasted everytime by the end of day and when the booze plays well with her body she starts to go around kissing everyone. :))) Gotta see it to see what im talking about but its darn funny stuff....


Another positive feelings for me. Finally my room is finished... Curtains are all set and and this is a very important part of the room. Without them the sound of my hi-fi was just pure shit... Ever since those pieces of clothes are on the window my hifi is like i changed the components from 200 bucks to 3000 bucks components... Really nice feature of my room now... Here is the picture of my room now... Note the stickies on my monitor... They are there to straighten me up in bad times...



I almost forgot, but there was another great night in February, that was a Ball night. On New Year's Eve in a weak drunk moment i talked to my Brother in law and promised him that i go to a ball with them this year. So he was not lazy to get us into some parent's ball in their village. It was really nothing fancy it was taking place in a village nearby where Csilla's brother's family live. The entry fee was (well for us was nothing as we were invited) an unbelievable 4 bucks. I don't know how they did it but you know what... i enjoyed the party more than if i went to an expensive 400 dollar Ball with all the stupid aristocrats showing off what they got... Maybe my blood is just not that aristocrat type... don't know... well i guess it is , since i am so much into anything yuppieish and all the comfort... peoplewise however i prefer the simple average persons. They are just so much more straightforward and easier to digest... And so is Csilla's family and i just like to be with them.... It was fun and definitely looking forward to our next ball night... 

OK, all things so far were full optimistic but not everything was cream and butter. Since i was playing 100 hrs of poker online and i was running bad and i was freaking depressed by this. So much that i could cry day after day on the outcome. Mentally i was really tired of it and it never ended till mid march. That is the 9th of march.  I really got so many bad news, bad vibes from everyone in addition to my poker failure that i just wanted to quit this world and just take some time by myself or just away from any problems. But this is when planning comes in handy. We planned ahead and planned a trip to skiing to the High Tatras. This year we skipped all skiing trip offers because later we are hoping to go to the US for 3 weeks... So we didnt want to spend too much money on skiing neither timewise we cant afford to take off too much vacation... Not me , CSilla :))) I am all free... :))) Well not really but i try to hide into my dreamland where i am free. Whatever.... So we booked a nice 4 star hotel for 4 nights where we could just spend our time doing Wellness activities if there's no snow. By all the chances we had we picked the only date that pretty much assured that there was no snow so we had to travel 20 kms to find good snow . But fortunately we were able to ski it up well at least for 2 days , because we just decided to do other stuff the other days. I've been really enjoying staying at this hotel we could just use the whirlpool jacuzzi , swimming pool , 4 types of saunas and there was an interesting foot massage therapy pool. Now this is is all cool, but when you have to share it might get you a bit frustrated sometimes. Not for us. Unbelievably we were staying at this 200 room hotel by ourselves with another family staying there too. That pretty much felt like we owned the place and as VIP guests closed it down for our own relaxation. It was great feeling. So with the exception of one day i was spending time at the hotel's wellness facility every day.  It was worth every penny.  One day we tried *well Csilla have tried before but for me it was first time* squash... I always had big time prejudices against the sport but i must admit it was GREAT... The trip was great, very relaxing and i filled up with a lot of positive energy. In fact one of the nights i got myself to drink a glass of quality Cognac and smoked a fine Cohiba cigar with it at the hotel's night bar. Ever since we are home I am feeling good and running fantastically. :)) I will finish my blog with how good i am running but i wanna say a few more words here.

The Tatras in Slovakia is just darn dead. I am not sure if you heard of it but like 3-4 years ago there was a big storm and it pretty much tore out all trees of the national park. It is really sick how nature slapped itself to the face. Now there is some movement for replanting the trees but its crazy... It used to be all woods and now it looks like a prarie... Unbelievable. Just so you can imagine i uploaded pictures how it looked before and after the storm... I felt sorry for Slovakia since this is their only treasure in this country and it will take about 80 estimated years to grow all that back. Some parts will never be replanted . Those will be for destruction tourism ... or for those tourists who are interested in seeing the destruction. Telling all this probabily is nothing crazy, but seeing it live was pretty amazing, horrifying and sad all at the same time.

Before
After
Off topic...
New fun projects : learn to play golf.... get to the next level in scuba diving.... get a licence for sailing... i might consider taking my lessons in hanggliding, but i am still considering it. 

The first project needs some explanation. I am spending very little of my time in the nature or in fact open air. Which i promised to be changed in my life, so Csilla and i are expecting some more hiking trips and some more outside activities in the future. And here comes in golf. I love to play. Not golf. I love to play anything. Anywhere where there is competition i love it. And golf seems beautiful, a complex and hard game that can be learned. I might not like it, but i will try it before i make any prejudice on that as well. However for now i am pretty  stoked about trying it out. I am trying to get Csilla into this as well which was a big time cause of frustration for her and for me arguing a lot about it as she is more of a lazy ass and doesnt like trying new things out ;))) But she is a supercool wife and knows how to handle me.


Talking about the supercool wife. Csilla is just a great support in my life. I can really break down from one moment to suddenly the next moment i m hitting ground zero.... She is there to put life back into me and her support is very great and very welcome. It is a groundstone in my development in both poker life and maturity wise. I believe i actually might one day be a serious adult because of her :))) And it is not to be meant falsely that i am a baby or anything, it's just that she fills out the holes when i am in desperate need for help.... I am very grateful for having a superwoman like she is on my side. Thought i share it with the world. Thought i share these thoughts with her too. Not that im not telling this to her every day. ;)


My blogs come like once a month or not even that often but then they are crazy long... I might chop it up the next time so it would be easier to read. Anyways, my computer project was off for a while until at the end of february i had a hand where i had AK.  I raised and fish called me. Flop came AK3. I bet fish calls. Turn I bet Fish calls.  Turn was a 8. River comes K. Computer starts working hard... working hard.... Im going crazy what if i time out for fuck's sake no, i run so bad, i dont need this... .FUUUUCK... Computer finished its job im sitting out lost the hand that i was supposed to win, lost 15 bucks... Not much... but it was enough for me to go nuts. And there we go... I ordered the PC of my dreams again. I am hoping to get it this week, but again, my expectation regarding speed of deliveries or in fact deliveries at all are very low ... Learned from past experience... and adjusted expectations


Running good... The story is we had  a great rest in the Tatras... I am fresh and stoked on playing poker again. I play online daily 4 hrs and run over the games. Well, somewhat run them over, but definitely run better than expectation. New pokerroom opened up again in Komarno... Definitely positive EV .... We went to a 150 dollar buyin tournament in Bratislava this saturday... 24 participants... 9 hrs of suffering pain... Ended up splitting for 1st and 2nd place earning a whopping 900 bucks... Sweet, i just wish i could keep this up for a few months....definitely not maintainable... :(


And for those who do not have time to look up things on the internet there are a few great appz i got aware of and am fully using them to max.... check them out...
www.digsby.com >>>>>>>>>if you use facebook and gmail its a great IM tool....
Dropbox.... its a great online syncing application... Really great and most importantly fast and easy to use...


I am through with my blog for now, i let you know how things evolve in the future, there is definitely some update coming from GOLF, PC, TRAVEL and POKER MATTERS.... 
Thanks for reading my life....


Roland


2 comments:

J. Riley said...

Thanks for the update. Did I ever mention you're a gambling addict? That much is quite clear!

By the way, maybe it's all that garbage software you have on your laptop that makes it so slow that you can't even cash in on your AK full house :-D

wfox said...

Yeah i had pretty much installed a lot of things on my lappy, but there were a few very important things that i could not resolve to reinstall if i were to reformat my HDD.

I am aware of my addiction by the way, but for now i have no good reason to control it ;)