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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Shit must be coming through pipes

Lately i've been bragging of how the blingest lifestyle im living. It started end of 2006 probabily November when things started to get for the better and peaked pretty much sometime this summer. I guess that was the end of my ever rising happy time rollercoaster ride as it seems to turn back in recent weeks. I might be on a bigger slope than i was prepared for and i am pretty much down for it right now, although as much as possible i still try to keep a straight positive thinking.

So why all this complaining. First of all, the change in the business structure that i am in is basically halfing my income from October 1st. There is no quick replacement for the lost money in the short future unless i leave everything behind and start building a separate carrier outside of family influences. This deal actually doubles my work while cutting my personal revenues into half, not to mention tearing business profits into pieces. Now the deal is that my sister and i are now 50-50 on the businesses we run , i used to run alone. I guess all the bling life, the trips I've been making recently and buying spree i was on made my dad rethink his line and took this new approach. Now my sister just received an apartment, she will need more money towards that and she cannot support herself alone (after her divorce). My dad was kind of being tired of her and taking care of her all the time so he put the pressure on my shoulders instead. When you screw up somebody teaching bad ideas of life then get tired of her the way to handle this to leave on her own. Not to pressure someone else too just so that someone could fuck herself up even more. Problem's i am talking about is my sister's unconciousness tells her she does not have to work in life, because we are so rich, when in fact we are just higher mid income class. She always got what she asked for and never had to put down anything for this. That is bad training from my parent's side. Now she is so fucked up and recently her demands become bigger. Which my dad solved again and gave her half my business. Good job dad. Congratulations. Instead of solving a life you screwed up the other one too. Let alone this would be the slightest problem in my life if nothing else came. But i am absolutely not happy about it anyways.

I have not written much about poker lately but i have had never in my life ran KKs into AA so much. Of course not all this bad i used to get AA vs KK too, but i lost it all. I ran so fucking bad in poker i can't believe this is happening just right now when my life could take a small support here and there. No, god decided to play a game with me. It's the new trial if i'm ready to take a next step or i dont know what the hell it is then. I guess this is a new opportunity for me to get better and to get stronger. i guess. I guess it must be since i don't understand why all this is happening everything at once. I have lost about 6K dollars just the last few weeks and i really am depressed about it. Not just about the money, rather that my good hands when i put my money in well don't hold up. And it's now so sickening that psychologically put me pretty much down.

I also see Csilla having a bit of fatigue and she would love to party it up, when i have the least amount of mood for that. But we decided that we will go tonight. Didn't happen, as i was sleeping till midnight. Why is that? My sleeping is so fucked up again. I could never stop living fucked up. So my standard day is still around 18 hrs long and i need the standard 7-8 hrs of sleep. If you can calculate this (i assume you do) I wake up each day an hr later and go to sleep an hour later. So days like today i go to sleep at 5PM in the afternoon and wake up midnight. I am so sick of all this shit. I could just run out of this world right now.

They used to say shit comes through in pipes. But it does right now i can tell. Biggest tragedy just hit me today. We realised something up with Benny (4 yr old Cocker Spaniel). He acts weird loses balance from time to time, shakes his head all day long and eats like a pig drooling all over the place, which he normally doesn't. So we try the doctor but he is not available on saturday afternoons, we call another and he waits us at 6PM, so i go and sleep. Csilla takes him to the doctor alone and comes home and when i wake up waits me with the bad news. Our dog suffered a brain hameorrhage. So he might not be the same he was anymore. I was crying like a baby when i got the news. So next week, luckily i will be in my daylight hours, i will run around with benny to figure if there is any good treatment for this. I hope for the best.

I am really really shocked from all this bad news that took place in the last 3 weeks. Seriously i am trying harder than ever but all this does not motivate the fuck out from me. I never concentrated this much on my game in poker, i work harder on changing things in business and all this happens to me. What the fuck is going on?

I am very positive that things will turn around again very soon, and life will start going normal again, but can i just get a break now>?!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bummer about Bennie. Sounds like a tough time for you guys. Hang in there, and feel the love from US.