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Monday, June 08, 2009

I am my own prisoner

Another month passed by so time for another blog to be released. I am just enjoying my 2 day break i gave myself and thinking of nothing that happened in the last month, It was such such challenging and it really did get to me... But read on and u get the details...

Ok 3 months ago i was looking to get some excercise to get in better shape and i was looking mostly to join some martial arts club, well that did happen and Tibi and I started to do Krav-Maga classes. Krav-Maga is really not much of an art, its rather a self defense class learned by Israeli secret agents and military forces. It is close combat techniques for survival in very short. I like it for multiple reasons, it gives me great condition, it provides me survival instincts, i get tougher, and its 50m far away from my house... That is i dont even need to get change clothes with me :) Nice feature to have when im always out of time... Anyways, just after i started, i got kind of injured and had to skip this last month, there is this excercise when we kick each other in the leg to strengthen our thighs and calves, but in the chair in front of the monitor no real muscles were generated in the last few years, so i chickened out after some of my veins got so pumped and swollen i had to skip a few trainings. Still on the injury list but this time for other reasons. My palms did get some infection and i have not 100% recovered from that. So as you can see Im a broke down ol man... :) Here is a short teaser of what is it that we do...

So thats about excercise for these days, i am looking for other ways to move out of my room/office/playground as i need to be out on fresh air more often... Csilla has stopped doing shifts and that just reduced my time outside even more as i used to do walking with Benny but i lack to do so ever since she is home as she does that from now... So to get out more im looking forward to buy a bike in the near future and even possible to buy one at end of this month as a treat for playing good poker, but only in that case... So now i have the motivation to play well for the month... i still need to look around what bike i'd like if its a speedster or some kind of mountain bike... will see how that goes ... no real preferences for now...

At the beginning of this year i have decided we are inviting out a part of our family each month for dinner. We get treated so well by our family from both ends that i somehow try to give back and spending extra time with them so this is kind of good fun... So we attended a few wine tasting and dinners that we really enjoyed and plan to do so for the rest of the year... It is just going to have to happen... It only depends on how i will do financially i guess but im pretty positive that we will somehow find solution to this matter. It only depends on my ability to work hard nothing else I guess. Being a customer we can choose from over a bunch of restaurants in town and around as there are so many out there... Im pretty sure that Komarno has the most Restaurant/person in the world... its just unreal, and its just weird... as all of the restaurants are completely empty... we dine out quite frequently and every time we go, no matter where we go we are always alone... But the market keeps raising more and more of them, so there is a good chance this number will grow in the very near future... To be honest this is not just not good for the market, but neither it is for the customer, i mean it is kind of low cost to maintain a restaurant and everyone finds SOME business somehow and making moves here and there ppl never close them down. Also if they do, it just becomes a rented property, having said that i can state they never close down, just their number keeps growing... Kind of a sick state... Im not sure that in a democracy a state/town/region could define a quote for maximum no. of businesses but im pretty sure it would be needed in this town... This way no one restaurant is going to make a profit in the future, at least not for the near future... Also this hole situation creates a culture of empty restaurants, which in turn does not attract customers. I mean who wants to go to a restaurant if its always empty... this is a Check Mate situation as our Mayor and politicians have absolutely no desire to turn things around, and the market to be honest is the dumbest ive ever seen in the world... Its going to clean up eventually but it could take a decade or two.... Also empty restaurants follow up with shitier in the short run (5 yrs) we are screwed... just an opinion not a complaint... i dont really care, if i want to eat out we just go to the big cities around us and we also have a pretty good restaurant at hand ;)

So yeah, life goes slow around here, and i need always some motivation to carry on... And last month some really stupid motivation was my personal leader... I decided im gonna carry out a 160hour month in May. That means i have to play 160 hrs close to my best game. Now knowing my history this target was set to fail, and so it did. I did achieve bunch of records though. I did achieve better in every sense except my game. My game was way off, till the point where it just completely got lost and tilted hard... and i also got a huge burnout that i feel to this date... I mean i dont know what i have expected... Playing 160 hrs of poker is really not easy... to play 60 or 80 hrs for me was a challenge before, and now i did want to achieve such ridiculously high amount... well i tell you what happened... I looked for motivation... so there were bonus offers out there for me, there was a million dollar race out there, so the higher i reach the more i get paid... and finally my goal... it was all about me beating myself... and i did, but i still failed.... stupid goals lead to disaster anyways... Justin wrote me in the very beginning... quality over quantity... this was always natural to me by nature, but the game got me greedy and got me all lost... i was warned by a lot of ppl not to do it but i still carried on... Well, i got burnt out pretty badly and that caused me not want to play for a long time... so i took a longer break... At the end of day im still happy what i achieved this month... i did realize my barriers and a lot of leaks in my game... i would say my weakest part of my game is still my mental game, although i have a few bad habits as well that need to be fixed. Talking about habits i am trying to learn new habits and try to train good habits into myself in all aspects of life...

So summing up this month would look like this:
+ most hands played per day (6282 hands) although this was in june already
+ biggest win/day
+ biggest win/month
+ 362nd in the rake race earned me a nice bonus of $750
+ all bonuses cleared
+ most hands played per month reached (61678 hands)
+ most hrs played per month (117 hrs)
Bottom line with rakeback and bonuses was a nice 5 figure month... I could live with that any time

- 160 hrs not reached
- biggest lost per day
- burnt out at end of month
- lost the lifestyle i wanted to live
- lost touch with the world (sitting in my room all day)
- lost prop bet on goal not reached

So all in all although there were positives to last month there was a lot of negating factor making me decide not to do this type of rush any more. I need to reorganize my life towards more cycles of fun and less cycles of self destruction which i am very capable of ... this is why the title refers to me being my own prisoner... when i could just enjoy life as it is given to me i often find ways to destruct myself and this has huge impact on my environment too... I was not just missing out meeting people, but family as well... So another thing was learned... at least i hope... should be anyways...

Now the last 2 weeks of the month were quite a bad run for me and thus the somewhat negative tone for my blog as well... I did crash my car once again, its probabily the 5th time in my life that something happened to me in the car, not to mention there were few others when i wasnt driving... I guess im just not paying attention enough... It was a motorbike this time, its all me to blame, because i was on the side road and he came from the main road, but for sure he did speed like crazy... otherwise he would be able to stop the bike... well, it happened so now there's nothing i can do about it... i am not sure if this didnt happen i wouldnt do better in poker, but since it did, i just had to stop... Also pokerwise i started to run shit crazy bad so while i was in the gate 3 times to earn a trip to Vegas, i guess this year its not going to happen... I would be pretty easily make it if i did happen to deal with it more than 4 days... but this year it just wasnt that important for me to go, in other words i didnt want it enough... Saying all that im going to try harder for the January Poker Tour in the Bahamas, as that would be a place id like to visit....

Speaking of January, it looks like im going to spend a few months away from home and family as im moving to Macau for 3 months to play and advance in poker... Camp Macau is going to be 24/7 poker in the weekdays and fun stuff in the weekends hopefully, so im looking forward to that... It should be a great journey, i already have the permission from my lil wifey as well...

Btw, im glad she is doing very fine, we are talking quite a bit to our little boy and he seems to enjoy it, he is fond of music seems like, especially norah jones's "Come away with me" :))) Little Dennis is also pretty active and times that are quite extreme like late in the evenings. He also shows signs of interest when Csilla eats chocolate or something yummie... :))) So he is showing signs that he is getting ready for the LIFE.... We are going for a monitoring tommorow again to see Csilla and him are ok, and today it is planned that we are starting to do some shopping. Guess i can say goodbye to my office at home and need to find a new solution very soon... Or simply we just need a bigger apartment or house... :)))

I guess i will leave this blog at that... i have a few more topics i was meditating about recently but it will just have to fit in another blog.

Latez mates

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